September 15, 2006 | Mark Paradies

Friday Joke – Bad Instructions

Here’s some bad instructions and comments …

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it’s ‘just’ a suggestion!)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn’t that save more time?)

(Whose body?)

On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery.

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm…something must have gotten lost in the translation…)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one…)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you’ve tried this…)

On a child’s Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That’s right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

I’ve seen these long ago (early 90’s) but found them at:

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_122.htm

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