May 15, 2009 | Barb Carr

Friday Joke: Cracking the Human Resources Code

COMPETITIVE SALARY
Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE
You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.

MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED
Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

DUTIES WILL VARY
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL
We have no quality control.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive’s nephew.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE

Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST
This company is a total mess.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS
You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the job done.

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