August 31, 2007 | Barb Carr

Friday Joke: Dilbertisms

A magazine sponsored a Dilbert quotes contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are a few of the entries:

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.” (Switching Supervisor)

Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” (Marketing Executive)

“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.” (Accounting Manager)

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.” (R&D Supervisor)

“What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.” (Engineering Manager)

And the winner was:

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (Security Manager)

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