August 10, 2007 | Barb Carr

Friday Joke: Life According to Bumper Stickers

If you get stuck in “stop and go” commuter traffic tonight, look around. There’s always bumper sticker wisdom (like the tidbits below) to help you pass the time:

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car…

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Born free…Taxed to death.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

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