Friday Joke: The Gospel According to St. Titleist
The TapRooT® Summit is just around the corner! Are you registered? In honor of the TapRooT® Golf Tournament (we still have room for you to play!), we present the Gospel according to St. Titlelist:
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk or on the battle field.
Grantland Rice, (psychoanalyst to George Patton and Bernard Montgomery)
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if someone would put a flag stick on top.
14. I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
17. It’s good sportsmanship to refrain from picking up lost golf balls, particulary if they haven’t stopped rolling.
18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
All Us Hackers
22. The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
And Finally. .
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.