January 12, 2007 | Ken Reed

Friday Joke

If you took a nice, long holiday break, your jolly good spirits probably ended the moment you opened your e-mail inbox. A dozen e-mails from the same customer? Did they not read your “Out of Office” autoreply stating you were on vacation?

Well, here are some “Out of Office” autoreplies that are sure to get a second look the next time you’re out:

“I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.”

“You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.”

“I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.”

“Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.”

“I am unable to respond to your e-mail because I’ve run away to join a different circus.”

“The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.”

“Thank you for your important message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.”

And for those special people who expect an e-mail response within minutes of sending an e-mail:

“Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.”

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